Seeing external distractions creates internal distractions
I need to write a little bit more – maybe that is what I should try to do with my blog.
Journaling used to be something I took pleasure in doing, but just to get my thoughts out there. Maybe the idea of “caging [my] monkey mind” is a concept that I left behind with other things of my childhood. I find myself getting a little “lost” at times recently. But it’s mostly because I am job-less, again.
I worry that I won’t find anything, which is preposterous because, as I’ve said before, there are so many jobs out there, if one just looks for them. I’m worried that I won’t find the job – you know, the one that will keep feeding my ego that I am actually worth the $21,000 I paid for a college education (or, that I am currently re-paying, as it stands).
I’ve applied to 23 positions; gotten 4 no’s, 2 blow-offs and 1 reply with interest – and they came calling on me, I hadn’t even applied for that one. I guess I should be thankful that they came to me; it at least strokes my ego a little bit. I keep saying that I’m going to stop applying for jobs and just wait until the lines I’ve cast start getting bites; but I can’t. I feel like, if I stop, I won’t find – like I’ll miss the “unicorn opportunity”: high pay, great benefits…and a title that affirms I’m L’Oreal (worth it).
But I am. Wow, I guess T-Ferriss was right, journaling does help to clear your head. I don’t need to keep defining myself by my job title – that’s the old part of me that still fears that I’m not good enough, the “Fraud Complex.”
I have succeeded, I have gambled, I have struggled and, most importantly, I have emerged stronger for it.
I’ve done all of that, and I can do it again.
Patience is a tough thing to gain, and even tougher to hold onto. I’ll be okay.